This blog topic is something that Jesus has been speaking to me about for the past 4 months.. but every time I went to write a blog about it I felt like the Lord was saying "not yet.. I still have soo much to reveal to you daughter.."
See, He has been teaching me and talking to me about this for months.. but it wasn't until this week that I finally took ownership of it and now actually have some authority in my writing, and hopefully something worth reading :)
Sep 09 through April 10 was ALL about revelation and restoration for me. The Lord reveals in order to restore, He exposes in order to abolish. I was so messed up and was so blinded to it, but God came and showed me my twisted mangled heart and then partnered with me to restore it!
The restoration process is so beautiful... and I could write forever about that. Honestly, being restored is the easy part, STEWARDING your restored heart on the other hand, that is the battle that I have learned I need to fight daily.
The revelation that the Lord has given me should be TREASURED as GOLD, and the restoration that He has imparted to me should be sealed and maintained! I used to have this mindset that once I was free I'd never ever again battle with that issue, sin, mindset, stronghold, etc, again... oh how wrong was I. It might seem like that battle is over, but the enemy is just pulling back in that area waiting for you to forget that you ever struggled with it before He strikes again!!
ITS A DAILY, moment by moment, thought by thought, word by word battle to take the ground back! I have heard it said SO many times in the past 3 weeks that we do not fight FOR victory but FROM victory. JESUS IS ALREADY VICTORIOUS!! It's up to us to take up that victory over and over and over and over again... and to not just VISIT His victory but to LIVE IN IT!
We need to be stewards of our restoration.. we need to prize it and fight for it and not let it go! REFUSE to revert back to your original state in the sinful nature!
The last 3 months I didn't steward the restoration and revelation that God gave me from Sep-April... and I allowed that victory to slip for a season. God had done a major work on some DEEP, intimate, broken places in my heart... and I let it go and let the enemy regain territory He had NO right to invade! It is not lost though. HE MUST WIN. HE WILL WIN. And ultimately, even though you have to die daily, YOU WIN WHEN HE WINS. When He is victorious, so are you... and am I :)
These past few days I have been facing some crazy spiritual warfare - but Marcy Willis said this morning during KCC that major warfare always occurs right before major breakthrough! Oh how EXCITED that gets me, its going to be worth it. Breakthrough is coming.. no.. breakthrough is here. RIGHT NOW. I will not miss it! I will not be robbed of my inheritance!,
I am more in love with Jesus then I have ever been, more intimate with Him then ever before. Real victory comes out of intimacy. I will not let anything rob me of that intimacy - and so I take captive every thought and emotion... and put the devil beneath my feet even when my flesh is loving what He is feeding me. I have found my prize - Jesus - and I will cling fast to Him :) He is the very reason that I live.
So I am made new once again. Restored, ready to fight and hold onto the restoration and revelation that was so freely and graciously imparted to me! This time I will continue to gain the ground bit by bit for the Lord, and I am not letting any of it go!
Little by little we take the land.
This morning God put all of these ideas and thoughts that I couldn't verbalize into words through Marcy, and Yes i was the blubbering fool in the front row crying because I FINALLY really truly GOT IT. It is late and I am writing this.. there is SO much more!! This is just the beginning of all of these things going REALLY DEEP.
He makes ALL things new.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
My Exceeding Great Reward
God has been teaching me some hard but necessary lessons the past couple of weeks and I have been waiting for the right time to write this blog.. I feel like it is today.
Praise God that He is patient, because it has taken quite some time for me to receive and walk out this message... I have been living in excuses and compromise when it came to this issue - obedience.
How insane is it that we as Christians get to hear Gods voice, what a ridiculous amazing blessing to hear the voice of our Creator and lover directing, correcting and loving us. Now... a lot of Christians today say that we can only hear God's voice through scripture and that He does not literally speak today. I wont dive into that but if you disagree I would encourage you to read John 10.. or shoot me an email and id love to talk to you :)
ANYWAYS... the last month God has been pressing certain issues upon my heart, calling me to certain acts of obedience and I am just being transparent saying that I have been slow to respond, and even rebellious in my opposing actions. Oh the revelation that I have been taking God's voice and instruction for granted! How blessed I am to hear the voice of my Lover.. and I ask for direction and ignore it when it isn't what I want to hear. Oh how I LOVE His voice!! Yet if I want to hear Gods voice I should then DO what His voice tells me to do. I can not enjoy the sound of His love songs and then neglect the sound of His instruction when it means sacrifice. Is it ridiculous that I have become ALL TOO FAMILIAR with His voice?
STOP. Did she really just say that? woah.. how utterly IDIOTIC is THAT. haha... becoming familiar with GOD!? no way. yet, i have become comfortable with His voice and only responding when I best see fit. OH the pride that is in my soul that needs to be ripped out!! Yep.. I admit it - I have heard the voice of the Lord over and issue and stuffed His instruction into the back of my heart and continued in my ways thinking that I will correct them later, that maybe I can KIND of do what God says and KIND of do what I want.I don't mean familiar in the way that I hear it sooo much that its just the normal.. i mean it in the way that it lost its value in my life (which is ironic because that was the message this past Sunday and it was already on my heart... haha oh God) Oh man... dumb. Just being honest though, this is what my mindset has been the last couple of weeks. God has revealed this to me and I have been ruined and changed and have finally acted!
You know what is crazy about that? Jesus is PROUD OF MY OBEDIENCE even though it was long overdue. THIS is the God we serve :) He receives with delight even my WEAK love and my weak attempts to live in obedience. Next time it will take less time for me to say YES to His will and kill my flesh and my desires.
The odd thing is is that I can look back and see how being obedient to the voice of God has bore much fruit in my life and actually probably saved my life. I think of the morning of the Forza shooting and can't help but thank God for giving me the grace to follow His lead.. and then there was my move back to Snoqualmie - it was the LAST thing i thought i would ever do and the last thing i wanted TO do... yet here I am on a crazy adventure and i wouldn't have it any other way. The decisions I have made to follow God when it is most uncomfortable and most painful are the ones that have positioned for me life and life more abundantly with Jesus!
Before I even had this revelation of my actions the last couple of weeks God had been speaking to me over and over and over again about Abraham and Issac and I had no idea why He had me keep reading it. OH how obvious this has all been, but how blinded I have allowed myself to be in my desire to live in sin. I can not tell you HOW many times I read this passage over and over and over again and all I got out of it was BE OBEDIENT... which is a good lesson, but God had something deeper for me.
1 sam 15:22 To obey is better than sacrifice
This verse was being hammered into my heart already when my coworker randomly brought it up one morning and I just about lost it because in that moment there was a message that was directly from Gods heart to mine. YES sometimes obedience MEANS sacrifice, but God isn't looking at what you sacrificed and being delighted in the fact that you gave up X, Y and Z.. but He is looking at your heart that says YES JESUS I WILL DO AND GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR YOU!! It isn't about the thing or the circumstance but the posture of your heart!
The moments in my life when I have heard God speak words of pride and delight over me have been in my moments of painful obedience, and those I can honestly say are the moments I value the most. Hearing Jesus say I AM PROUD OF YOU... I ENJOY YOU.. that is enough for me, especially when that obedience took all I had. :) stick a fork in me.. i am DONE. God is delighted and Becca only cares about God's delight.
THERE it is - the message behind it ALL. Abraham didn't willingly sacrifice Issac thinking that MAYBE just MAYBE God would provide a way for him to keep him. He went to kill his son thinking there was no other way to be fully 100% obedient. HE DID IT FOR GOD NOT FOR HIMSELF! Then God intervened and provided a substitute. :) I do not want my obedience to be out of a spirit that says "well if I give this up now, maybe God will give it back!" I do not sacrifice for the blessing in the future. I am not obedient because I know that I will RECEIVE something better or KEEP something due to be obedience... that is selfish motivation and in that mindset my eye is not on the prize, it isnt on the treasure.
"I AM your Exceeding Great Reward" -Gen 15:1
I sacrifice and live a life of obedience because JESUS is my exceeding great REWARD! He doesn't HOLD my reward and I have to obey him in order to get it... He IS my reward. Once you grasp that obedience because SO MUCH EASIER. the things of this world, any blessing or relationship or thing that you could receive is fleeting and will fade away but we get a treasure that will stand the test of time - WE GET JESUS. No person or thing or circumstance is our exceeding great reward, yes God can and will bless us if it is His will.. but our EXCEEDING GREAT REWARD IS JESUS. He is our treasure, HE is what drives my heart to obey and by Holy.. because I GET HIM. period :)
yes there are things that I would love love love for God to "provide a substitute for" but i am placing them in the back of my heart and setting my gaze on Jesus not on them.. they would simply be a bonus..
some of this might seem obvious, but thats what this year of my life is about. Taking the things I know, and the things I have experienced and combining them to get a clearer picture of who God is :) it is the two sides of the puzzle coming together!
Praise God that He is patient, because it has taken quite some time for me to receive and walk out this message... I have been living in excuses and compromise when it came to this issue - obedience.
How insane is it that we as Christians get to hear Gods voice, what a ridiculous amazing blessing to hear the voice of our Creator and lover directing, correcting and loving us. Now... a lot of Christians today say that we can only hear God's voice through scripture and that He does not literally speak today. I wont dive into that but if you disagree I would encourage you to read John 10.. or shoot me an email and id love to talk to you :)
ANYWAYS... the last month God has been pressing certain issues upon my heart, calling me to certain acts of obedience and I am just being transparent saying that I have been slow to respond, and even rebellious in my opposing actions. Oh the revelation that I have been taking God's voice and instruction for granted! How blessed I am to hear the voice of my Lover.. and I ask for direction and ignore it when it isn't what I want to hear. Oh how I LOVE His voice!! Yet if I want to hear Gods voice I should then DO what His voice tells me to do. I can not enjoy the sound of His love songs and then neglect the sound of His instruction when it means sacrifice. Is it ridiculous that I have become ALL TOO FAMILIAR with His voice?
STOP. Did she really just say that? woah.. how utterly IDIOTIC is THAT. haha... becoming familiar with GOD!? no way. yet, i have become comfortable with His voice and only responding when I best see fit. OH the pride that is in my soul that needs to be ripped out!! Yep.. I admit it - I have heard the voice of the Lord over and issue and stuffed His instruction into the back of my heart and continued in my ways thinking that I will correct them later, that maybe I can KIND of do what God says and KIND of do what I want.I don't mean familiar in the way that I hear it sooo much that its just the normal.. i mean it in the way that it lost its value in my life (which is ironic because that was the message this past Sunday and it was already on my heart... haha oh God) Oh man... dumb. Just being honest though, this is what my mindset has been the last couple of weeks. God has revealed this to me and I have been ruined and changed and have finally acted!
You know what is crazy about that? Jesus is PROUD OF MY OBEDIENCE even though it was long overdue. THIS is the God we serve :) He receives with delight even my WEAK love and my weak attempts to live in obedience. Next time it will take less time for me to say YES to His will and kill my flesh and my desires.
The odd thing is is that I can look back and see how being obedient to the voice of God has bore much fruit in my life and actually probably saved my life. I think of the morning of the Forza shooting and can't help but thank God for giving me the grace to follow His lead.. and then there was my move back to Snoqualmie - it was the LAST thing i thought i would ever do and the last thing i wanted TO do... yet here I am on a crazy adventure and i wouldn't have it any other way. The decisions I have made to follow God when it is most uncomfortable and most painful are the ones that have positioned for me life and life more abundantly with Jesus!
Before I even had this revelation of my actions the last couple of weeks God had been speaking to me over and over and over again about Abraham and Issac and I had no idea why He had me keep reading it. OH how obvious this has all been, but how blinded I have allowed myself to be in my desire to live in sin. I can not tell you HOW many times I read this passage over and over and over again and all I got out of it was BE OBEDIENT... which is a good lesson, but God had something deeper for me.
1 sam 15:22 To obey is better than sacrifice
This verse was being hammered into my heart already when my coworker randomly brought it up one morning and I just about lost it because in that moment there was a message that was directly from Gods heart to mine. YES sometimes obedience MEANS sacrifice, but God isn't looking at what you sacrificed and being delighted in the fact that you gave up X, Y and Z.. but He is looking at your heart that says YES JESUS I WILL DO AND GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR YOU!! It isn't about the thing or the circumstance but the posture of your heart!
The moments in my life when I have heard God speak words of pride and delight over me have been in my moments of painful obedience, and those I can honestly say are the moments I value the most. Hearing Jesus say I AM PROUD OF YOU... I ENJOY YOU.. that is enough for me, especially when that obedience took all I had. :) stick a fork in me.. i am DONE. God is delighted and Becca only cares about God's delight.
THERE it is - the message behind it ALL. Abraham didn't willingly sacrifice Issac thinking that MAYBE just MAYBE God would provide a way for him to keep him. He went to kill his son thinking there was no other way to be fully 100% obedient. HE DID IT FOR GOD NOT FOR HIMSELF! Then God intervened and provided a substitute. :) I do not want my obedience to be out of a spirit that says "well if I give this up now, maybe God will give it back!" I do not sacrifice for the blessing in the future. I am not obedient because I know that I will RECEIVE something better or KEEP something due to be obedience... that is selfish motivation and in that mindset my eye is not on the prize, it isnt on the treasure.
"I AM your Exceeding Great Reward" -Gen 15:1
I sacrifice and live a life of obedience because JESUS is my exceeding great REWARD! He doesn't HOLD my reward and I have to obey him in order to get it... He IS my reward. Once you grasp that obedience because SO MUCH EASIER. the things of this world, any blessing or relationship or thing that you could receive is fleeting and will fade away but we get a treasure that will stand the test of time - WE GET JESUS. No person or thing or circumstance is our exceeding great reward, yes God can and will bless us if it is His will.. but our EXCEEDING GREAT REWARD IS JESUS. He is our treasure, HE is what drives my heart to obey and by Holy.. because I GET HIM. period :)
yes there are things that I would love love love for God to "provide a substitute for" but i am placing them in the back of my heart and setting my gaze on Jesus not on them.. they would simply be a bonus..
some of this might seem obvious, but thats what this year of my life is about. Taking the things I know, and the things I have experienced and combining them to get a clearer picture of who God is :) it is the two sides of the puzzle coming together!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
TheCall
(wrote this a week ago) I just got home from The Call Sacramento last night - and I have been so spiritually awakened. OH Jesus always knows exactly what I need.. His timing is flawless. At the end of a season of isolation how powerful it was to join with 20,000 plus people for 2 days to pray and fast for our nation and generation. Oh to spend endless hours in a car with 2 girls fiery after the heart of Jesus - how I missed community and being spurred on by others to live a life of a higher calling.
This blog will probably be random.. buts it will be composed of all of the desires and burnings the Lord has placed on my heart. I AM DONE.. finished.. stick a fork in me. I WILL NOT BE THE SAME and refuse to not be radically changed.
I am ready to be a woman of no compromise and I am done with missing out on the fullness of what God has for me because I am to lazy to pay the price. Revival has a price tag - is it worth it enough for you to pay it? If I want to see revival break out and be sustained I need to pay the price and stop waiting for someone else to do it. I need to set aside the things of this world and set my heart on Jesus' even MORE. God is calling me to be disciplined in the little things and set prayer and fasting at an even higher place in my life.
I am done with the talking, done with the dreaming - its time to start acting.
I am done putting Jesus aside and living mildly. I want revival and I want to see the Lords glory!!
I am not called to mix the world and compromise with Jesus any longer! Oh I know He doesn't expect perfection, nor should I, but He has shown me the things that hinder love... and He wants to burn them away with His jealous jealousy! HE WANTS ME and I want Him to do whatever He has to to rid me of the things that cause my eyes to wander. I am DONE with feeding my flesh and then trying to encounter the fullness of God and walk in power and authority close to Him heart - that makes no sense. To be honest through the month of august I lost sight of this, I gave up on pushing myself towards holiness and the enemies scheme of familiarity and passivity crept into my life. No more though, I am putting an end to that now!
I want to SEE and FEEL His fierce love and kill my flesh again and again and again..
I do not want live in the lie of "casual sin" any longer... the enemy has planted some deep lies the last 2 months that I have been walking out. They have been in direct attack to the call to no compromise that I received months ago. The major one has been that it would be so much easier and more appealing if I would just live a life going with the flow and then if I compromise now its okay because Jesus will fix it later - and its true.. it would be easier - but JESUS IS MY EXCEEDING GREAT REWARD so it definitely wouldn't be WORTH it. NOTHING is worth sacrificing the mandate and call the Lord has placed on my life. I need to take the call and run with it and never stop.
I am called to an UNYIELDING personal pursuit of God's heart... to be faithful in prayer. The Lord has fascinated and exhilarated me with love and i cant help but be changed once again.
Alot of what I am saying might seem like a repeat of past blogs - but this is the finished work of what I was being taught - and the start of a new exciting and hard journey with Jesus. He has made me ready to look like a fool. Wouldnt you rather look like a fool to the world then look like a fool to your KING!? ooh i am done with seeking the approval of man and trying to conform to the culture and the gospel at the same time! Jesus has given us authority over culture, we do not change to fit the culture - we change the culture to fit the gospel! Culture is no excuse.
Sorry kind of a rant... I could go on and on about the state of the church and things that the Lord declared over my life while I was there but I feel an urge to end this here.
This blog will probably be random.. buts it will be composed of all of the desires and burnings the Lord has placed on my heart. I AM DONE.. finished.. stick a fork in me. I WILL NOT BE THE SAME and refuse to not be radically changed.
I am ready to be a woman of no compromise and I am done with missing out on the fullness of what God has for me because I am to lazy to pay the price. Revival has a price tag - is it worth it enough for you to pay it? If I want to see revival break out and be sustained I need to pay the price and stop waiting for someone else to do it. I need to set aside the things of this world and set my heart on Jesus' even MORE. God is calling me to be disciplined in the little things and set prayer and fasting at an even higher place in my life.
I am done with the talking, done with the dreaming - its time to start acting.
I am done putting Jesus aside and living mildly. I want revival and I want to see the Lords glory!!
I am not called to mix the world and compromise with Jesus any longer! Oh I know He doesn't expect perfection, nor should I, but He has shown me the things that hinder love... and He wants to burn them away with His jealous jealousy! HE WANTS ME and I want Him to do whatever He has to to rid me of the things that cause my eyes to wander. I am DONE with feeding my flesh and then trying to encounter the fullness of God and walk in power and authority close to Him heart - that makes no sense. To be honest through the month of august I lost sight of this, I gave up on pushing myself towards holiness and the enemies scheme of familiarity and passivity crept into my life. No more though, I am putting an end to that now!
I want to SEE and FEEL His fierce love and kill my flesh again and again and again..
I do not want live in the lie of "casual sin" any longer... the enemy has planted some deep lies the last 2 months that I have been walking out. They have been in direct attack to the call to no compromise that I received months ago. The major one has been that it would be so much easier and more appealing if I would just live a life going with the flow and then if I compromise now its okay because Jesus will fix it later - and its true.. it would be easier - but JESUS IS MY EXCEEDING GREAT REWARD so it definitely wouldn't be WORTH it. NOTHING is worth sacrificing the mandate and call the Lord has placed on my life. I need to take the call and run with it and never stop.
I am called to an UNYIELDING personal pursuit of God's heart... to be faithful in prayer. The Lord has fascinated and exhilarated me with love and i cant help but be changed once again.
Alot of what I am saying might seem like a repeat of past blogs - but this is the finished work of what I was being taught - and the start of a new exciting and hard journey with Jesus. He has made me ready to look like a fool. Wouldnt you rather look like a fool to the world then look like a fool to your KING!? ooh i am done with seeking the approval of man and trying to conform to the culture and the gospel at the same time! Jesus has given us authority over culture, we do not change to fit the culture - we change the culture to fit the gospel! Culture is no excuse.
Sorry kind of a rant... I could go on and on about the state of the church and things that the Lord declared over my life while I was there but I feel an urge to end this here.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Drink In Deep
For the last 3 years I feel like I have gotten small sips of great things, been never been able to fully drink! Whether that be Africa, Community, relationships.. etc. its been a pattern for quite a while in my life. I have been on the boarders and fringes of every circumstance, every community, every relationship, every calling... never released to plant my roots deep.
Its like taking a sip of a really good wine, but not being able to drink the rest... or tasting one chip out of a bag.. but no more! I can look but I can not touch... I can observe but never involve myself.. NOT because Jesus has told me those words, but because my life has been in constant transition. I mean I went from VCA to lifepointe to moving to tacoma (where I found a church that was made for me but was not to released to settle into) to back home at lifepointe to now moving to kirkland in... a year and 8 months?
I have had dabbles in the relationship area.. but it has never extended beyond the curiosity stage...
11 months ago it was prophesied over me that Jesus would be calling me to plant my roots deep in the coming year..
8 months ago it was prophesied over me that I was waiting at a red light and within the year it would turn green and I would not longer have to wait or anticipate!
I had to get really sick and wander through the desert a bit in order to find it - but I think I have found where the Lord wants me to plant my roots for a while.. potentially forever.
I have finally found a community who is on the same page as me, young people with fire for Jesus and a passion for prayer and fasting... a desire to do relationship right.. and to guard and protect their brothers and sisters with their words.. a people passionate about restoration and freedom and the prophetic - alongside government and balance. A people so in love with the arts and an understanding of how it can be used for the gospel. Young people who dont desire to compromise, and generations pouring into one another.
If you have been walking with me for the past year your know that THESE are the things the Lord has been specifically knitting into my heart...
Now I am watching Jesus open door after door to get me there - and here it comes. The light is about to turn green.. I can just feel it in my bones!
I am about to be immersed in community, to be deeply involved in a church with like mind and heart...
I am about to drink in deep... and I think there is way more coming my way that I can even imagine.
Ephesians 3:20 :)
Its like taking a sip of a really good wine, but not being able to drink the rest... or tasting one chip out of a bag.. but no more! I can look but I can not touch... I can observe but never involve myself.. NOT because Jesus has told me those words, but because my life has been in constant transition. I mean I went from VCA to lifepointe to moving to tacoma (where I found a church that was made for me but was not to released to settle into) to back home at lifepointe to now moving to kirkland in... a year and 8 months?
I have had dabbles in the relationship area.. but it has never extended beyond the curiosity stage...
11 months ago it was prophesied over me that Jesus would be calling me to plant my roots deep in the coming year..
8 months ago it was prophesied over me that I was waiting at a red light and within the year it would turn green and I would not longer have to wait or anticipate!
I had to get really sick and wander through the desert a bit in order to find it - but I think I have found where the Lord wants me to plant my roots for a while.. potentially forever.
I have finally found a community who is on the same page as me, young people with fire for Jesus and a passion for prayer and fasting... a desire to do relationship right.. and to guard and protect their brothers and sisters with their words.. a people passionate about restoration and freedom and the prophetic - alongside government and balance. A people so in love with the arts and an understanding of how it can be used for the gospel. Young people who dont desire to compromise, and generations pouring into one another.
If you have been walking with me for the past year your know that THESE are the things the Lord has been specifically knitting into my heart...
Now I am watching Jesus open door after door to get me there - and here it comes. The light is about to turn green.. I can just feel it in my bones!
I am about to be immersed in community, to be deeply involved in a church with like mind and heart...
I am about to drink in deep... and I think there is way more coming my way that I can even imagine.
Ephesians 3:20 :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Under Your Wings
I have been wandering in the wilderness since April - and deeper and deeper I seem to be going. I finally felt like I sort of had my feet under me again, and within 48 hours the little direction and stability I had was taken away. It would take me forever to explain all the details - and I do not feel led to do so... but basically my life is continually making major shifts. 4 months ago I never imagined I would be here... I had so many plans and so much direction. Jesus keeps reminding me of that verse in James 4 that says not to boast about tomorrow because you do not know what a day brings - haha what a reality that has become in my life.
Yesterday I was praying that Jesus would work out things with my work so I could go to church... today I am quitting my job. The reasons are really.. delicate and i get sick to my stomach just thinking about it.. so I once again can not go into detail. So here I am again. No job or, transitioning sort of to a new church, no community, no school, no direction - nothing but Jesus.. only this time I am not sick with every reason to have none of these things. Things seem so uncertain, so unstable.. so unknown. This isnt easy, this isn't clear. Walking with blind faith.
How bizarre.
This morning my friend Linnea emailed me reminding me that there is SAFETY in Jesus, and then during my time with Jesus early this morning he brought me to Proverbs 29:25 "whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." I sense a theme.
To be honest and transparent I am a little bit of a mess... but I am a mess with a seat belt and an anchor to my soul! I AM SAFE. Oh how that has been an echo in my heart today - I had no clue that I would once again be running and leaping off the cliff in faith today.. and the Lord was so faithful to prepare me. I have no financial support and there is every reason to fear, YET I am safe! Jesus has been whispering in my ear all day "You are safe because no matter what you are going to end up with ME!"
MY SOUL IS SAFE IN JESUS. No matter how fleeting the things of this world, the circumstances, the Jobs that I love... the people and communities.. health.. etc... no matter WHAT happens here on out, in the end I will be with Jesus. REV 21 is something I constantly cling to, oh to be in the fullness of His glory, the fullness of joy, no more sorrow, no more pain... oh to be carefree with Jesus!
I can not and will not trust these emotions and the fear and dread the enemy keeps feeding me, because Jesus' promises remain. No matter how unknown everything is, Jesus' knows my unknowns. YES I was cut big time by the world today but I will bleed worship.
Under His wings I will abide. HE is my strength truth and life. Up to HIS throne I will lift up my eyes. There IS hope for my future because HE is hope and He holds my future. Under the cross I lay down my life. I give Him my fear, worries, and strife.
He is my breath when I can barely breathe, He is my light when I can barely see.
Without His love I have NO HOPE, without HIS voice I would have no clue where to go.
LORD I NEED YOU.
I know this was kind of random - but my mind is full with emotions and thoughts and scripture.
I AM SAFE UNDER HIS WINGS - is really all I needed to say :)
Isaiah 43 = exactly what I needed to hear tonight.
Yesterday I was praying that Jesus would work out things with my work so I could go to church... today I am quitting my job. The reasons are really.. delicate and i get sick to my stomach just thinking about it.. so I once again can not go into detail. So here I am again. No job or, transitioning sort of to a new church, no community, no school, no direction - nothing but Jesus.. only this time I am not sick with every reason to have none of these things. Things seem so uncertain, so unstable.. so unknown. This isnt easy, this isn't clear. Walking with blind faith.
How bizarre.
This morning my friend Linnea emailed me reminding me that there is SAFETY in Jesus, and then during my time with Jesus early this morning he brought me to Proverbs 29:25 "whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." I sense a theme.
To be honest and transparent I am a little bit of a mess... but I am a mess with a seat belt and an anchor to my soul! I AM SAFE. Oh how that has been an echo in my heart today - I had no clue that I would once again be running and leaping off the cliff in faith today.. and the Lord was so faithful to prepare me. I have no financial support and there is every reason to fear, YET I am safe! Jesus has been whispering in my ear all day "You are safe because no matter what you are going to end up with ME!"
MY SOUL IS SAFE IN JESUS. No matter how fleeting the things of this world, the circumstances, the Jobs that I love... the people and communities.. health.. etc... no matter WHAT happens here on out, in the end I will be with Jesus. REV 21 is something I constantly cling to, oh to be in the fullness of His glory, the fullness of joy, no more sorrow, no more pain... oh to be carefree with Jesus!
I can not and will not trust these emotions and the fear and dread the enemy keeps feeding me, because Jesus' promises remain. No matter how unknown everything is, Jesus' knows my unknowns. YES I was cut big time by the world today but I will bleed worship.
Under His wings I will abide. HE is my strength truth and life. Up to HIS throne I will lift up my eyes. There IS hope for my future because HE is hope and He holds my future. Under the cross I lay down my life. I give Him my fear, worries, and strife.
He is my breath when I can barely breathe, He is my light when I can barely see.
Without His love I have NO HOPE, without HIS voice I would have no clue where to go.
LORD I NEED YOU.
I know this was kind of random - but my mind is full with emotions and thoughts and scripture.
I AM SAFE UNDER HIS WINGS - is really all I needed to say :)
Isaiah 43 = exactly what I needed to hear tonight.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Violent Love
In this random and bizarre season of life, I feel like I have been on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. Almost daily I come face to face with the question of "whats next?" either from other people or from myself... the enemy likes to throw the one at me that gives me that ever so familiar sinking feeling in my stomach... "you are purposeless, what are you even DOING.. your going no where" Or "obviously Jesus doesn't have much for you... you need to get your act together." Even people in the church have told me that I need to get my "stuff" together and the faces that people make when I tell im not going to school are almost etched into my memory... The fall sometimes seems like it is this huge daunting season of loneliness since everyone is leaving.. Haha lie after lie after lie lately, Oh praise JESUS I have His truth carved into my heart!!
Yes, I am working at a coffee shop... not going back to school.. not moving back to tacoma in the fall.. with absolutely NO idea what the future holds and no plan of making any plans.. and heres the kicker:
I AM CONTENT. woah. didnt expect that.
I have my moments of desperation where I get freaked out about the future and discouraged about the present and filled with an ache for the past... but Jesus keeps reeling me back in with His love and word. The revelation that there is a HUGE difference between my CALLING and my MANDATE has radically changed my life and my attitude about my current season.
My mandate = the circumstances and purpose that Jesus gives me specifically and individually while im on earth
My calling = TO LOVE JESUS, to get to know the Man Christ more intimately every day.
HAHA MY HEART BURNS FOR NOTHING BUT JESUS! I don't care where Jesus takes me, or where He doesnt take me... my calling is to gaze upon the face of my beautiful Savior and to thrive upon His presence! My only goal is to know Jesus more and more and more and more! I am being overtaken by love, so nothing else matters!! Seasons in my life are going to change.. jobs.. mandates.. churches.. people... but my calling to radically pursue the heart of Jesus remains the same until I get to be overwhelmed by the fullness of His glory on the wedding day!!
I honestly desire nothing but to sit at the feet or Jesus and read His word and talk to Him. I have so much free time because all I really do is work.. and before I was sick that would have driven me MAD - but now all i want is free time to spend hours before the Lord. ITS MY CALLING and OH how blessed we are to be called to something that is so easy, beautiful, fulfilling, and world shaking.
Life is simple now, and I feel like I am blossoming in the simplicity of living to spend time with Jesus, oh I am a changed person.
Jesus, thank you for radically changing my life with constant revelation from Your word! Thank you for the hunger in my heart for Your presence and inner courts! Oh Jesus increase my desire for you! Increase this sacred obsession with Your love! Continue to shield me from the attack of the enemy with the encounter of Your heart and the truth of Your word! God YOU are what I desire! I want this to be carried out throughout the entirety of my life - oh i dont want it to stop! I know You have great things for me in the future, and so my heart hopes! I focus on today and eternity and my heart delights in the reality of the treasure that I have found! Pour out Your spirit of wisdom and revelation that I might encounter You more intimately daily that I might know You more!! :)
Amen!
Yes, I am working at a coffee shop... not going back to school.. not moving back to tacoma in the fall.. with absolutely NO idea what the future holds and no plan of making any plans.. and heres the kicker:
I AM CONTENT. woah. didnt expect that.
I have my moments of desperation where I get freaked out about the future and discouraged about the present and filled with an ache for the past... but Jesus keeps reeling me back in with His love and word. The revelation that there is a HUGE difference between my CALLING and my MANDATE has radically changed my life and my attitude about my current season.
My mandate = the circumstances and purpose that Jesus gives me specifically and individually while im on earth
My calling = TO LOVE JESUS, to get to know the Man Christ more intimately every day.
HAHA MY HEART BURNS FOR NOTHING BUT JESUS! I don't care where Jesus takes me, or where He doesnt take me... my calling is to gaze upon the face of my beautiful Savior and to thrive upon His presence! My only goal is to know Jesus more and more and more and more! I am being overtaken by love, so nothing else matters!! Seasons in my life are going to change.. jobs.. mandates.. churches.. people... but my calling to radically pursue the heart of Jesus remains the same until I get to be overwhelmed by the fullness of His glory on the wedding day!!
I honestly desire nothing but to sit at the feet or Jesus and read His word and talk to Him. I have so much free time because all I really do is work.. and before I was sick that would have driven me MAD - but now all i want is free time to spend hours before the Lord. ITS MY CALLING and OH how blessed we are to be called to something that is so easy, beautiful, fulfilling, and world shaking.
Life is simple now, and I feel like I am blossoming in the simplicity of living to spend time with Jesus, oh I am a changed person.
Jesus, thank you for radically changing my life with constant revelation from Your word! Thank you for the hunger in my heart for Your presence and inner courts! Oh Jesus increase my desire for you! Increase this sacred obsession with Your love! Continue to shield me from the attack of the enemy with the encounter of Your heart and the truth of Your word! God YOU are what I desire! I want this to be carried out throughout the entirety of my life - oh i dont want it to stop! I know You have great things for me in the future, and so my heart hopes! I focus on today and eternity and my heart delights in the reality of the treasure that I have found! Pour out Your spirit of wisdom and revelation that I might encounter You more intimately daily that I might know You more!! :)
Amen!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Ruined
There are so so many things that I could write about right now. When I asked Jesus what He would have me write I definitely had something else in mind. haha. So many crazy things have been happening I expected Him to write about a treasure hunt, or a specific time in prayer.. etc. Instead He brought to my mind revelation that He started to give me about a week and a half ago - and that is slowly but surely transforming my life and my walk with Him :)
Now that I am healthy (been 2 weeks and 5 days yaaayy!!) I have had to completely adjust my life - it is almost like Jesus is reteaching me how to LIVE.. except He wants things to be different this time. He is calling me to live a life of happy holiness before Him!! I know that I am not perfect, and I have been going through the sanctification process since April 3rd, 2005 when I gave my life to Jesus - but this is something new, something different, something that causes my heart to burn!
Jesus is calling me HIGHER, to be a women who refuses to compromise - but its funny because I didn't really think I WAS compromising - haha I was very wrong! Jesus has began to reveal to me areas of compromise in my life that He desires to rid me of and He has been turning my heart away from those things. There are several of them but basically just calling me higher in the little details. Most of this stuff I used to look at and call people religious for thinking they needed these things out of their lives. Haha but religion is a posture of the heart! When I turn my back on the things of this world (certain music, movies, etc) that the majority of the church just kind of accepts but OBVIOUSLY is not rooted in something from Jesus, out of a heart that is lovesick for Jesus and only wants to be closer to Him - its not religion - its happy holiness. He has made me ruined for anything but HIM.
I am either living under God's umbrella or I am getting wet, its not gray.
YES there is grace - OH and Jesus' delight is in showing mercy but His WILL is for our sanctification!
I know I will be called religious and intense and over the top - but I dont care. Look at John the Baptist and then look at me and tell me that I am too over the top. John the Baptist was a forerunner - and OH how my heart longs to be one - and Jesus delights in his desire to be consecrated for the Lord. :)
JESUS!! OH help me to walk in a higher calling, help me to live a life of happy holiness. Make my heart BURN for the things of you, and cause me to be ruined for anything but YOU and the things of Your kingdom. Continue to change my heart and give me a heart of gladness and thanksgiving instead of the longing for the things of this world that I so easily settle into! Jesus make me a women of no compromise, let me be unwavering and unmoved!! Call out a generation of nazarites who will hold fast to Your word and remember Your promises! Awake this generation to Your fiery love and Your desire to be with them!!
Amen!!
Now that I am healthy (been 2 weeks and 5 days yaaayy!!) I have had to completely adjust my life - it is almost like Jesus is reteaching me how to LIVE.. except He wants things to be different this time. He is calling me to live a life of happy holiness before Him!! I know that I am not perfect, and I have been going through the sanctification process since April 3rd, 2005 when I gave my life to Jesus - but this is something new, something different, something that causes my heart to burn!
Jesus is calling me HIGHER, to be a women who refuses to compromise - but its funny because I didn't really think I WAS compromising - haha I was very wrong! Jesus has began to reveal to me areas of compromise in my life that He desires to rid me of and He has been turning my heart away from those things. There are several of them but basically just calling me higher in the little details. Most of this stuff I used to look at and call people religious for thinking they needed these things out of their lives. Haha but religion is a posture of the heart! When I turn my back on the things of this world (certain music, movies, etc) that the majority of the church just kind of accepts but OBVIOUSLY is not rooted in something from Jesus, out of a heart that is lovesick for Jesus and only wants to be closer to Him - its not religion - its happy holiness. He has made me ruined for anything but HIM.
I am either living under God's umbrella or I am getting wet, its not gray.
YES there is grace - OH and Jesus' delight is in showing mercy but His WILL is for our sanctification!
I know I will be called religious and intense and over the top - but I dont care. Look at John the Baptist and then look at me and tell me that I am too over the top. John the Baptist was a forerunner - and OH how my heart longs to be one - and Jesus delights in his desire to be consecrated for the Lord. :)
JESUS!! OH help me to walk in a higher calling, help me to live a life of happy holiness. Make my heart BURN for the things of you, and cause me to be ruined for anything but YOU and the things of Your kingdom. Continue to change my heart and give me a heart of gladness and thanksgiving instead of the longing for the things of this world that I so easily settle into! Jesus make me a women of no compromise, let me be unwavering and unmoved!! Call out a generation of nazarites who will hold fast to Your word and remember Your promises! Awake this generation to Your fiery love and Your desire to be with them!!
Amen!!
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